pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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