some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
