508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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