My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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