Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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