i barfeds in our rink
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
