dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
