They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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