I hate all girls vehemently.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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