why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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