MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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