He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
