Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
