you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
