I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
