I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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