dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
