You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize