i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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