things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
