I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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