i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize