Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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