listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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