she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
