i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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