Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
