my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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