why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
