How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
