I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
