I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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