I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize