She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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