speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
