my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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