i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize