we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You made out with two different species that night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
