do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
