I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
