I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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