so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
