i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
