please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
