i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
