Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
