You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
