12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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