This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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