i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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