This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
