I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
