i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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