Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
