Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
