I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
