My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
