i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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