I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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