I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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