I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The Olympian is in my bed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
