Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
