I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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