he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
