I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
