I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
