I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
