I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize