no, he came in my armpit
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
