I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
