I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
