So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
