the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
