TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
