you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
