When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had sex on a roof
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
