i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
