Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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