No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
