Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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