I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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