so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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