it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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