P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
