2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
