I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
