So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize