I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
