***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
