Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
