You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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