he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
