As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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