i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
