I met the friendliest cop last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
