We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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