my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
