I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
