That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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