I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
