She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
