It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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