Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
