In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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