I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
