How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
