I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize