There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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