and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
