Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize