There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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