i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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