Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
