and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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