You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
