I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize